god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i now understand why vodka
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
