I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
