hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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