NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
