dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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