New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
