just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
