My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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