I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sober January is a disaster.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
