Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
