Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
