i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it glows. i had to have it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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