Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
