We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
