I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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