If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
