Tell her she can't have a vagina
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
