I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it's like heaven, but drunker
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
