yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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