He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
