Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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