Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
