I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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