fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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