Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
