I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My bed smells like the plague
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
