Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
