my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
