I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
