wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
be right there i have to get my cape
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
