Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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