hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My feet surprised me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
