Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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