So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
