brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
