worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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