I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
