Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
