yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
