i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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