i don't like sucking hair
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
40s are totally the cure
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
