tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
