I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
