My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
