I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
