if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
