Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
