Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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