I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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