i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
