My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
