Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
