you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
