I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
