Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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